XX (2017)

XX (2017)

Country:  USA

Director: Roxanne Benjamin, Karyn Kusama

Main Stars: Natalie Brown, Jonathan Watton, Peter DaCunha, Melanie Lynskey, Breeda Wool, Angela Trimbur, Christina Kirk, Sheila Vand

Storyline: An anthology of horror and haunting which has female leads.

Review (Spoils): This film is broken down in four short films, which focuses on female leads in each.

The first tale called The Box, which is the stronger one of the tales. We have the beautiful Natalie Brown who plays the mother of small family and her son meets a stranger on a bus that shows him a red box. Never shown what is in the box he starts to starve himself and the secret starts to spread through out the rest of the family.

The second tale called The Birthday Party is more of fun tale of a mother who is trying to balance the death of her husband and her daughter’s birthday party on the same day. This is actually a funny tale and the giant panda was a nice touch.

The third tale is called Don’t Fall, a short tale and more unclear 1 where a small group travel into the wilderness and they come across an ancient occult symbol on a rock. One of the women becomes possessed and make short work of her friends.

The very last story is called Her Only Living Son, which is a weaker story of a single mom, and her love for her strange son who turns out is the son of Satan.  Not bad story but was lacking on the scares and humor of the other tales.

Rating: Not the best film of short horror tales as there was a serious lack of blood and guts and the scares was just not there. The first couple were okay but then the second half of the film fell flat. The first tale was the strongest and actually could have made a neat movie on its own. Not a bad batch and worth checking out if you are out of ideas on what horror to watch.

4/10 Beers!

Yacker

 

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The Birds (1963)

The Birds (1963)

Country:  USA

Director: Alfred Hitchcock

Main Stars: Rod Taylor, Tippi Hedren, Jessica Tandy, Suzanne Pleshette

Storyline: A wealthy young woman chases a man to a small Northern California town where the birds start to attack people for no known reason.

Review (Spoils): Melanie Daniels (Tippi Hedren) is pretty well off and good looking and always gets what she wants. She falls a bit for a man at the pet store and follows him off to a small town where he is with his mother and young sister. It seems like as soon as she shows up in town things start to become strange. Birds start to swoop at people’s heads; some birds even peck people to death.

The birds are swooping and tacking everyone, we have birds doing fly by nips, a cool kids birthday party being crashed by birds, lots of people screaming and running, a nice blown up gas station and some small minor blood as bird peck people. The film has great mute sounds spots when needed to create the mood, which is some of the class of Alfred Hitchcock. Tippi Hedren steals the show in this film as the gently spoken blonde that everyone wants but at the same time why she walking herself into these situations. The birds themselves can be a bit corny but that it half the fun of the film it can be spooky but at the same time fun. The whole plot and reason of the birds is never fully explained, as most of the film is people just trying to escaping the flock of death.

Rating: I am stunned that I have not reviewed this classic film yet. This film is a horror masterpiece but is not out in the top 10 of all time as I find Psycho a much better film then this. However, the birds, the sounds and lack of is what makes this movie such a horror gem. Stay away from the horrible sequel that comes out years later… you have been warned!

7/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Slumber Party Massacre II (1987)

Slumber Party Massacre II (1987)

Country:  USA

Director: Deborah Brock

Main Stars: Crystal Bernard, Jennifer Rhodes, Kimberly McArthur, Juilette Cummins, Heidi Kozak, Cindy Eilbacher, Atanas Ilitch

Storyline: The younger sister of Valeria has a feeling the haunting of the driller killer still exists.

Review (Spoils): Smoking hot Courtney (Crystal Bernard) has grown up since the first film and keeps having nightmares of that bloody night when the drill killer came to town and killed a batch of teenage girls. She keeps dreaming and seeing her older sister warning her about the drill killer, sex and other fun stuff as she and her friends plan a get together to party, play music and do just that. Just when her friends start to think, she is nuts the drill killer comes and brings on the bloody tunes.

I am going to first start off when I was young I had a TV crush on Crystal Bernard and for that; I cannot not like this film. This film has nudity, blood, hot chicks, an Andrew Dice Clay killer (Atanas Ilitch) with a drill on his guitar, sex dolls, 80s partying and some cheesy dance moves what is there not to like! We have some bad special effects, blood, plastic body parts and 80s love.

Rating: I loved the first film a lot and this one it not like it at all but…. It is so bad and worth drinking too that you cannot dislike it. Its screams B movie and screams hormones! Therefore, I was disappointed that this film did not score as great as the first one and became so damn cheesy and low dollar. In addition, it has Crystal Bernard and Crystal Bernard in a bikini…. You will need beers to survive this film.

4/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Hatchet 2 (2007)

Hatchet II (2007)

Country:  USA

Director: Adam Green

Main Stars: Danielle Harris, Kane Hodder, Tony Todd, Alexis Kendra, Kathryn Fiore

Storyline: Marybeth escapes from last time from Victor Crowley and gets help to seek revenge on the bayou butcher.

Review (Spoils): The movie picks right up from the last one when Marybeth (Danielle Harris) escapes the lunatic of the swamp Victor Crowley (Kane Hodder). She digs and learns some backstory truth of her own connection to the butcher (tied to her dad) and decides she wants revenge and go back in because of the slaughter from the first film.

The film brings a recast, as we know have classic Halloween star Danielle Harris now playing Marybeth. Not sure why they changed, the actor for this film but it hurts the gel of the story but then again I do not dislike Danielle Harris. We have extra gore, a more detailed Victor Crowley, a massive chainsaw, many bodies being ripped apart, heads flying, face chopping, the classic axe and the return of Reverend Zombie (Tony Todd). This film does not shy by a full cast of classic horror legends.

Much like the first film do not expect a great over the top story that makes much common sense. This is created more for the gore hounds out there that just want to see gore, blood and some nakedness (so a good chunk of the horror community).

Rating: Want some tongue in cheek gore and blood? Well your in luck as Mr. Crowley is back and this film deliveries that. The downfall of this film is a couple of things, it is a repeat of the first film in an overall thought and the humor sometimes over comes the horror and it does become a but silly. (Cabin Fever 2 fell into this problem also). For some reason this series is a hit and miss for me.

5/10 Beers!

Yacker

 

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Rabid (1977)

Rabid (1977)

Country:  Canada

Director: David Cronenberg

Main Stars: Marilyn Chambers, Frank Moore, Joe Silver, Susan Roman

Storyline: A woman has plastic surgery and since she craves blood and has been creating a zombie plague across the city.

Review (Spoils): After a freak motorcycle and van accident, which leaves the back passenger of the cycle with some major burns, she is rushed to a plastic surgeon under her will (she is in a coma) for a test experiment. Rose (Marilyn Chambers) wakes up in a scare and learns that she now craves blood. She ends up hurting a patient near her and he cannot remember and lord behold a plague starts to infect the area. Oh, did we mention that she has a start red like new organ growing under her armpit that she uses to draw blood? Human blood is the need as she tries cow’s blood and it just causes some serious blood puke and the victims becomes a rabid type plague on top of that.

This film is all over the place when it comes to the storyline and bizarre. We have strange red penis like organs, a classic porn star as the main actor, foaming mouths, red blood and a zombie like plague that is haunting the streets as Rose keeps her secret. Only in Montreal, can something this weird cut loose?

Only David Cronenberg could create something this bizarre to hit the horror world for its time in the 70s.

Rating: This film is what happens when you mixed horror with a classic 70s porn queen and the classic freak king David Cronenberg. If you are a fan of his movies, you will love this one and get a huge kick out of it all. However, if you like your horror movies very standard you will be sighing through the damn thing. I dug the film and kind of understand the cult following it has, it just needed more classic porn stars in it.

6/10 Beers!

Yacker

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V/H/S 2 (2013)

V/H/S 2 (2103)

Country:  USA

Director: Simon Barrett, Jason Eisener,Gareth Evans, Gregg Hale, Eduardo Sanchez, Timo Tjahjanto, Adam Wingard

Main Stars: Lawrence Michael Levine, Kelsy Abbott, L.C. Holt, Simon Barrett, Mindy Robinson, Adam Wingard, Casey Adams, Roxanne Benjamin, Samantha Gracie, Rylan Logan

Storyline: Two people come across a box of VHS tapes when they were investigating a missing student. The film is a collection of the watched tapes.

Review (Spoils): This time in the series, we have two people who are videotaping their undercover investigation of a missing student. During the search, they comes across a box of VHS tapes which they start to watch. While going through the series of the tapes (4 short tales of horror) strange things start to happen to them also. Spoiler alert about to happen!

The first tape viewed is called “Phase 1 Clinic Trials” this one of the weaker tales which focuses around the super natural and some jumping parts of a fat naked man and a little girl appearing and disappearing and haunting a man. The graphic are actual good but when it comes to haunting it is the same ol’ story. We have a quick topless shot in this one.

The second tape “A Ride in the Park” is a more interesting one as it involves zombies and a biker. A zombie bites the biker and then we start to see through the video eyes of a zombie attacking. Lots of blood and gore and a fun new take of a zombie tale.

The third and more fun tape of them, “Safe Haven” is a wild gorefest of a cult that is being documented and all Hell breaks loose…literally. Gore galore, I could rate this film alone on this one! The gore blew my mind and I could not stop ginning… bring on the devil horns and blood.

The main last tape called “Slumber Party Alien Abduction” is a weaker one I find, as it was too shaky to know really, what was happening. It had a Stranger Things feel but at the same time, it was all too fast and confusing.

The ending is the conclusion of the two watching the tapes and slowly being haunted and tormented. More of side note of the whole film really.

Rating: Once again, this series blew me away and kept me entertained. The film was fun and was actually damn gory. The gunshots to the head was over the top in a few of the short stories that helped me easy rate this film for a few beers higher. I can actually say even with the odd weaker tale the good ones were well worth the whole watch! Check out this series if you are a gorehound!

7/10 Beers! (almost a 8)

Yacker

 

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Phantasm 4 (1998)

Phantasm 4 (1998)

Country:  USA

Director: Don Coscarelli

Main Stars: A. Michael Badlwin, Reggie Bannister, Bill Thornbury, Heidi Marnhout, Angus Scrimm, Bob Ivy

Storyline: Starting right off from the last film Mike is traveling dimension to find the origin of the Tall Man while Reggie continues to battle the spheres, the undead, and the small people and stop the Tall Man.

Review (Spoils): The Tall Man (Angus Scrimm) is chasing Mike (A. Michael Badlwin) as he is trying to get away. Reggie (Reggie Bannister) is roaming the desert until he meets a hottie (Heidi Marnhout) to help him track down Mike. We have haunting and visions from Jody’s ghost so the whole gang is back. Much like the past films, we have eerie scenery, flashbacks, explosions, small creatures, spinning spheres with blades and spikes, guns, the Tall Man and dimension doors. (What is a Phantasm film without them)? The film starts to unfold what is behind the Tall Man without fully ruining the whole haunting and mystery. Yes they try to explain why he is not dead yet.

The one thing that is lacking in the series is the true reason why the Tall Man is after Jody and now Mike. Is it because they know too much from the first film or is there something that Don Coscarelli has not told us yet and more to come? We have Angus Scrimm returning as the Tall Man and yes, he does try to do the same impression of “Boy” that we have heard in past films.  Reggie is Reggie and we will leave it at that.

Rating: “The secret of the spheres are released, the final game has began”. Some old same old with this one and to be honest it is the weaker of the whole series. I think it could because they do not know exactly where they were going with the series and needed something to get the fans off their own backs. Still the series is a cult classic when it comes to horror so check it out.

5/10 Beers!

Yacker

 

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