Cocaine Bear (2023)

Cocaine Bear (2023)

Country: USA

Director:  Elizabeth Banks

Main Stars:  Keri Russell, Alden Ehrenreich, O’Shea Jackson Jr., Ray Liotta, Isiah Whitlock Jr., Margo Martindale, Brooklynn Prince, Christian Convery, Jess Tyler Ferguson, Aaron Holliday, Scott Seiss

Storyline:  A young girl and her friend take off school and head into the woods where a large bear has gotten into a lost stash of cocaine.

Review (Spoils):    A young group of kids skip into the woods to have some fun what they did not know is there is a wild bear out there who has gotten into a lost cargo of cocaine, and it needs more. As the bear runs crazy through the woods killing everyone in its drug addiction path, we have a mother looking for her daughter and a cargo drug lord looking for his large stash of missing drugs.

The effects of the film were decent for the budget and storyline. We have a crazy bear, ripped off legs, arms, a crazy and fun stretcher crash on pavement, head smashes, face smashes and of course lots of bear grabs! This film was not heavy on the blood sauce, but it has a good amount for the air time.

Rating:  Was not expecting much from this as horror must come with a grain salt most times which is why I love it. This one was jammed with some names in the cast which I was not aware, but it did not save the film. Sure, I love the tongue in cheek horror films like Evil Dead II and Braindead just to name two but this one with the kids doing coke and the craziness of the teenagers was just a stretch too far. But I will be honest I do have a weak spot for Ray Liotta, Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Scott Seiss so it was not a full train wreck.  It was an okay film for what it was, and it really does not need a sequel.

4/10 Beers!

Yacker

The Exorcist: Believer (2023)

The Exorcist: Believer (2023)

Country: USA

Director:  David Gordon Green

Main Stars:  Leslie Odom Jr., Tracey Graves, Lidya Jewett, Danny McCarthy, Ann Dowd, Olivia O’Neill, Norah Murphy, Jennifer Nettles, Elle Burstyn, Linda Blair

Storyline:  Two young girls start to play with things they do not understand to talk to one of their deceased moms which leads to the young girls going missing and found possessed.

Review (Spoils):  We flash back into a storyline around the big earthquake in Haiti and it brings us to present day. The storyline around the two girls works and off they go to play with the occult alone in the woods. They never to return until found many miles away and have forgotten everything. The film up to this point is working even when they start to show exact signs of Regan back in her famous hay day. The single father to help his daughter decides hey why not go find Regan’s mom and have her shoe the demon away cause it makes sense and everything including the story goes to shit…

The make up of the demon girls is actually not bad, we have shaking beds, green puke, cursing girls with crucifixes, peeing, bleeding, scratch marks, sore feet, nasty eye gouges, a couple jumps but not enough to make the cheesy demon smoke and lack of actual deaths to save the film.

Rating:  Was not sure what to expect from this movie as the series has been very hit and miss since the first film. Was kind of excited of the nod to the first film with characters return but got left disappointed. This film started off strong and went 100% sideways with the introduction of the mother from the first film. What in the fuck would she try to be the hero, she is not tied the religious systems what the hell was she going to do? Totally dumb scenes and this just blew the storyline into wow this dumb.  This film was bad enough with the copycat idea of the first film they did not need to worth it out the window with the Elle Burstyn character trying to be a hero. Christ she could not save her own daughter Regan what the hell was she going to do with these two girls. Just fucking dumb! First hour was interesting and then it just went flush!

3/10 Beers!

Yacker

Spiral: From the Book of Saw (2021)

Spiral: From the Book of Saw (2021)

Country: USA

Director:  Darren Lynn Bousman

Main Stars:  Chris Rock, Max Minghella, Marisol Nichols, Samuel L. Jackson, Max Minghella

Storyline:  Saw like murders are happening again but this time within the police force itself.

Review (Spoils):    A tough cop (Chris Rock) who is hated by many and has a background of police in his family is on the trail of several body pieces from different police staff or members. This all leads to a few police detective investigation across the city some with druggies, thieves, and other riff raff to find out all the connections.

While is happening one by one some of the police/detective staff get kidnapped with someone in a pig mask and plays within the game with a number of Saw like traps. Everything from water torture, electric finger thing, some saw blades, the normal tape recording of the puzzle, human skinning, some hot liquid thing on the face and of course its not a saw money if someone is not hanging up high some type of gadget.  The gore is there but its not over the top its more of storyline thing.

Rating:  Could not buy into this as a Saw movie. Yes, we have the spiral symbols, tapes, torture, deceit, pig masks and so forth but without Jigsaw this kind of reminded me more of Seven. Samuel L. Jackson did not fit in the movie to be honest and neither did Chris Rock. Sorry Rock makes a not believable tough cop sorry even the lame face expression does not help. Too me this felt like let’s jam some big names it so people will buy it as a Saw film. The film itself was not bad it just was not believable to be truly part of the franchise.

5/10 Beers!

Yacker

Saw 3D: The Final Chapter VII (2010)

Saw 3D:  The Final Chapter VII (2010)

Country: USA

Director:  Kevin Greutert

Main Stars:  Tobin Bell, Carly Elwes, Costa Mandylor, Betsy Russell, Chester Bennington, Sean Patrick Flanery, Gina Holden, Chad Donella

Storyline:  The people involved in the Jigsaw puzzle are at it again but also at each other as one of the survivors creates a Jigsaw survivor support group.

Review (Spoils):    A jigsaw survivor goes public about the experience and life changing event as he influenced by others. (ugh) This all leads to a group of survivors all getting together for support and we have flashbacks of their traps and decisions you know for a positive outcome (barf). Bobby finally gets his dues, and he needs to survive Jigsaw to save all his lame wife and business partners.

We have scenes after the first film nice leg burn, buzz saw scene, Jill dream death scene, skin goo tear, head splash with car tire, spinning fans, arm cut off, quick scene of Chester Bennington, hanging cages, Jill being Jill,key on a fishhook down the throat (fun trap actually), eye gouge to make Lucio proud, hanging trap, tooth pull, annoying wife Gina Holden, pierce hooks, machine gun, stab in the throat, furnace trap (who has time to build all this) burning body, the famous jaw trap (finally), 3D explosions and the Jigsaw full circle.

Rating:  From a series that once dark, and classic has now dropped into making fun of itself much like the Scream Series did a one point. Too bad as it just takes a few cheesy scenes to ruin a series fast. The Jill story is kind of dragging by this part of the series and the whole survivor Bobby help group is just stupid writing. What the fuck happened to this once cool series. Sure, a long horror series is allowed to have duds and fun, but this was a very dumb move.  Jigsaw in outer space could have been written better (well maybe not but you get the point).  The film does move into the right direction as Bobby needs to survive traps due to his cash ins but the whole opening bit was bad and the detective bad acting. The film does come kind of full circle in the end for the series with this film.

5/10 Beers!

Yacker

Leprechaun Origins (2014)

Leprechaun Origins (2014)

Country: USA

Director:  Zach Lipovsky

Main Stars:  Dylan Postl, Stephanie Bennett, Andrew Dunbar, Melissa Roxburgh, Garry Chalk, Brendan Fletcher, Teach Grant

Storyline:  Back to Ireland to learn the origin of the leprechaun.

Review (Spoils):    Starts off with landscape that looks more like Canada than Ireland two young couples head off to the island as one of the young girls is a history buff. They pay someone to drop them off in field near the stone and they walk to the tavern to learn of the stone of the gods. Let me tell you a story type sandbox storyline.

Old man talks the young people to head out to a cabin to stay so they can see the stones of the gods near an old fallen in mine. With some terrible accents and a random shot at wild boars the young people still decide to stay. Noises in the night as the boys are total douches and ignoring the babes here comes the little beast at night.

We have a very bad accent from the old man son, douche boyfriends, sweet babe (Stephanie Bennett), gold, camera dragging pulls, roars, an earring rip, nice leg tear, gun shots, tongue stud rip, bloody claws scratches, monster leprechaun which has visual able zero connection, an insane axe to the head scene (worth the film right there), hay prong through the chest, spine pull, shitty Teach Grant acting,   machete head chop,

Rating:  Garry Chalk was awesome enjoy the acting and character and of course the nice 2min bedroom shot of Stephanie Bennett was enjoyable. The storyline itself was not bad but the roaring sounds and the idiots’ boys was a little too much where you can have a wish they would go first. Be warned also this has no comedy and no classic Warwick Davis in this budget.  Not even sure if this film is related to the classic series. I personally was not expecting much from this as the classic series is a hit and miss. But this basically has zero connection is a fun monster film. It can drag in parts, but the gore is out there, and it was something a little fun and different. I was surprised and enjoyed the ride “Fuck you Lucky Charms!” Classic!

6/10 Beers!

Yacker

Saw IV (2007)

Saw IV (2007)

Country: USA

Director:  Darren Lynn Bousman

Main Stars:  Tobin Bell, Scott Patterson, Louise Ferreira, Costas Mandylor, Betty Russell, Lyriq Bent, Athena Karkanis

Storyline:  Continuing where the 3^rd film stops the jigsaw murders keep continuing as he lies with brain cancer.

Review (Spoils):   John Kramer aka Jigsaw is dying with his brain cancer and lying in a bed, but the murders seem to keep going and the FBI are drilling Jill. The traps are set, and the games have started bloody gore and all. We follow the pace of a cop within the puzzle of traps and setups.

More Chains, sewed eyes and mouths, wood hooks, neck, and leg stabs, hanging bodies with exposed rib cages, hair pull that is pretty damn nasty, a eyes gouge which was well deserved, pregnant Jill backstory, a cool steel pin body trap, pin through the head, jigsaw doll bomb, head traps, back neck trap, ice block hanging, gun shots, nasty body of Jigsaw.

Rating:  This is one is a bloody mess but at the same time the storyline is starting to become what’s next.  Sure, the series is a classic and some of puzzle traps are pretty cool but after four films you do have to wonder who have time to build all these traps and machines within the fast timeline and better yet work them. The backstory with Jill and Jigsaw works it explains a lot of the whys so it’s not all repeative and dull much where the series does start to head down.

6/10 Beers!

Yacker

Saw V (2008)

Saw V (2008)

Country: USA

Director:  David Hackl

Main Stars:  Tobin Bell, Scott Patterson, Costas Mandylor, Betsy Russell, Julie Benz, Meagan Good, Mark Rolston, Carlo Rota, Laura Gordon

Storyline: Jigsaw starts again as this one continues right after Saw IV

Review (Spoils):   Kicking off right from the end of the last movie.We dig deeper into the connection of the survivors and Jigsaw. Jigsaw is seen as dead and has left Jill a special box as part of her inheritance and she has the key.(Yeah, a mystery box) Detective Hoffman and his whole connection to Jigsaw as everything is slowly coming to light as the murders are not over.

We have the traps as usual such as swinging blades, water box trap, collar traps (as always), beheading, baseball bats, nail bombs, fire explosions, shotgun traps, Jigsaw kidnappings, pig masks, flash backs to past murders and the behind the scenes of them. Neck stabs, bathtub with electricity, meat hook to the head, blood jars with saw blades and a nice, crushed body.

Nothing out of the ordinary for the film to the series very open ended again to be continued.

Rating:  This film is more of an explanation of how Jigsaw did it all and so was all involved in the setups, murders and how to find the guilty. Sure, there is a small group of five also being played in the background of all this but really the main purpose of this film is Jigsaw explanation. Kind of key point of the series but at the same time not as intense as the other Saw films.  The backstories on the five in the situation is kind of lame and felt just jammed together within the filming. It actual hurts the film more than adds to the horror of it.

5/10 Beers!

Yacker

Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin (2021)

Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin (2021)

Country: USA

Director:  William Eubank

Main Stars:  Emily Bader, Kirby Johnson, Jaye Ayres-Brown, Dan Lippert, Roland Buck III, Ari Notartomaso

Storyline: A teen finds out that her mom was part of Amish group and bring a camera team to get some background of her family’s past.

Review (Spoils):   Margo (Emily Bader) finds out that her mom was part of Amish community at one time before she got pregnant from an outsider. So, what is better than grabbing some friends with a boom stick and camera and join the community and ask questions and record.  When the arrive they not overly greeted and learn about the strange rituals the community has and secrets that nobody talks about. Oh, and ton of basic jump out options along the way of the documentary.

Lots of semi lame jump out moments, very interesting songs and rituals, a doll with no face, annoying teens who record like everything, a girl who has no idea what a farm is really like look at all the cows and pigs. (it’s not a lot at all), devil marks in blood, Blair Witch camera feel, bed crunch, old mysterious church, 2 headed goat, sacrifice pit, typical floor drag, castle freak beast, blood slashing, meat hook, fire, mob, and the magical snowstorm that disappears in the same scene.

Rating:  Zero idea how this series went from hauntings to an occult feel this film just does not fit the series at all.  Really this film is Blair Witch meets The Witch if I had to nail it down with a bunch of silly recording people making dumb decisions. Like they thought the snooping and action would end well.  This film has also a hard time to decide if it wants to be a straight movie or a found footage. The film is watchable but not relatable to the series and very confusing on really what is happening and why.

4/10 Beers!

Yacker

#Alive (2020)

#Alive (2020)

Country: South Korea

Director:  Cho II-hyung

Main Stars: Yoo Ah-in, Park Shin-hye

Storyline: A virus has spread and start a plague of bleeding eyes fast moving zombies.

Review (Spoils):  

The movie is based around the survival live day by day of webcaster Moris62. As he learns of the virus, attacked by neighbors, watches the news and the chaos outside we get his play by play.  He learns besides being attacked, society does shutdown and the impacts of that when it comes to living, eating and even entertainment.

The film kicks off with a bang of news and zombie action. The opening scene with the mother and child is classic. The main character is actual enjoyable, and the film does play out well with the sudden feeling of being alone in a world of flesh eaters.  We have bleeding eyes, fast moving zombies (which I hate), bites, lots of blood on the walls, funny moments as the main character are kind of dumb ass, cool eye effects, axes, dark veined skin, drones, machetes, bloody mouths, and a little romance fun connection of survival.

Rating:  This a fun film, the main character makes this film funny and enjoyable. The zombies become kind of like a middle piece of the story in the end.  The special effects are done very well for a zombie film and like I said the character development around the zombie situation is very entertaining. If you are looking for more a horror panic zombie film this may not be your type of thing as its focuses on people relationships during a zombie riot than just the zombies, but they are there.

7/10 Beers! Yacker

Halloween Kills (2021)

Halloween Kills (2021)

Country: USA

Director:  David Gordon Green

Main Stars: Jamie Lee Curtis, Judy Greer, Andi Matichak, James Jude Courtney, Nick Castle, Kyle Richards, Nancy Stephens, Dylan Arnold

Storyline:  Movie takes off from the last one as Michael Myers walks out of the fire and continues to kill

Review (Spoils):  Right off the start we have the continuation of the series from the last film Halloween. Laurie and her family get shipped to the hospital as Michael walks through the fire to continue to kill. It just happens that a large group of past individuals from the first few films are drinking at a tavern and here the news. Nothing makes sense so hell why not all get together and see if they can take Myers down.  Makes sense, right? Wrong it doesn’t.

Outside of the craziness of the characters that written into this one from past series this makes almost zero sense why they thought they could just take Michael down together. But I do have to say this one is one bloody fun mess (almost as messy as the storyline). We have a nice nod to Halloween III with the Shamrock masks, lots of stabbings, stabs in the eye, killing past characters off, lots of car windows blown out, lock downs, town mobs that think they can take down Myers, Tommy speeches, nasty body splash, fun head stair smash, a unmasked Myers, slit throats, lots of blood sprays and Laurie sitting on a hospital bed.

Rating:  Going to be honest love that series is still ongoing and not doing the whole Zombie versions anymore. But this one felt like it was trying to the ultimate nod and it’s kind of was but at the same time it felt silly and jammed of just Tommy being a nutbar thinking he could do something that Laurie never could. “Evil Dies Tonight “chants and the whole town just pretty much placing themselves on a blood alter. Really a nod could have been better written with some of these characters in for an actual purpose that made sense.  Beers to the blood though.

6/10 Beers! Yacker